The Best Laid Plans

As each new month starts, I tend to take the first couple days to ponder the theme for that months post.

Sometimes I know exactly what it will be because of some epiphany I had or something that happened.

This was particularly the case when I was writing “Waking the Walker – a Mother’s quest to survive her Son’s zombie years – aka his teens.” When raising a teen, there is always something happening.

https://wakingthewalker.wordpress.com/twd-apocalyptic-parenting-tactics/

Other times I can spend half the month tossing ideas around, seeing what sticks, even struggling to make something out of nothing.

Which is kind of odd when this blog is about self-rediscovery. 

Am I so lost I don’t even have a clue which way to turn?

With this not just a new month, but a New Year and New Decade, I thought for sure I would venture down the road of aspirations, goal setting, intention and purpose.

Especially after I read my favorite astrologer, Melissa Stratton’s https://twitter.com/hevmelissa?lang=en column for January 2020. I felt the energy around this New Year didn’t feel like other years and Melissa’s column confirmed my gut was right.

After reading this I was pumped to shake off the overbooked, too much to do holidays and get back to some sense of normalcy

I was beyond ready to hit the ground running and get back to focusing on all I had already set in motion in 2019.  My long-term goals and aspirations for my future could once again become a priority. 

Not that I don’t love the holidays, but between work, home and the holidays, something had to give, and outside of getting my December post written, anything else related to writing as a business got put on hold

I had to set boundaries for my own sanity and health. Especially with my Son home for a 5 week Winter Break.

So, as 2020 dawned, I busted out the blog business plan, and started to update it for 2020. With full-hearted enthusiasm I stepped backed into allowing my mind to focus on my personal journey, and on pinning down a clear intent for my future.

Yes, writing full-time is the central point, but having a clear purpose for this writing has still not been completely solidified. Without that, the vision for my future is still fairly hazy

I told myself 2020 would be the year I pinned that down, and formulated a clear and precise plan to make it happen.

That was until my focus was blindsided by a massive headache that sidelined me for a day, and left me dragging for days dealing with what I was told was a sinus infection. Not strep, the flu or a cold, but a simple sinus infection. 

In all my years I have never gotten a debilitating headache from anything. Headaches that made me sick and knocked me down for a few hours, yes, but nothing that warranted an injection that knocked me out for over 12 hours.

That Saturday every time I made an effort to move, I had to lie back down. Nothing worked. Not ice, not Tylenol, not rest. The pressure in my sinuses was so severe I thought I was going to vomit. I could barely hold my head up. It took me till 3:30 in the afternoon to get myself together just to go to Patient First.

The doctor didn’t even need to ask what was ailing me; she could see it in my face. When she said they could give me an injection to ease the pain and help me sleep I was all for it.

Needless to say I had no idea it would knock me into the next day and leave me feeling a little woozy.

I was able to make up for some lost time that Sunday, but I was still dealing with the post-nasal drip and congestion from the sinus infection, so I was far from moving at break neck speed.

As was the case the following week. 

I had major brain fog from the congestion, which left my head in the clouds. Making it through work every day was a major feat.

So much for all my full-heartened enthusiasm to step back into focusing on my personal journey and future plans. My only focus was making it through the day so I could go back to bed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

At first I was pretty upset about this set back, but then I remembered what the nutritionist said at my visit the week before I got sick. She told me I need to allow time for relaxing/restful activities.

The reason why – her tests showed high levels of stress, yet I didn’t feel stressed.

How could I be stressed, and not feel it? 

I was betwixt and befuddled, but when I got sick it entered my mind that I must have been running on adrenaline from the holidays and completely oblivious.

With my ass kicked, I realized maybe the nutritionist was on to something and what my focus needed to be on was how to allow more time for relaxing/restful activities, not just on doing.

This made me wonder if being a single Mom for so long made me become so accustomed to always being on “GO” that “STOPPING” to truly recharge my batteries may have gone by the wayside

Daily I do stretching/yoga and a short meditation period, take time to veg a little at night before bed, and of course get at least one vacation in during the year, but could it be after all these years I’ve forgotten how to really relax?

AND, it is finally catching up to me

I’ve always been a list person, even before becoming a Mom. My lists are my saving grace. I may not get everything done, but it helps to keep track of what needs doing and to prioritize

Crossing things off my list has always been very rewarding, although not necessarily refreshing.  

Some things on my list however, like personal projects, are a form of relaxing. Doing creative projects can be very invigorating. Unfortunately, these are the things that get bumped for other more pressing deeds

The more I thought about all of this the more I thought about how I used to be an avid reader, but now I’m lucky if I get the paper read. I used to curl up with a book, especially before bed and just get lost in the story. I have plenty of books to read, but I honestly don’t think I’ve finished one since I was in my twenties.

I do take bike rides and walks when the weather permits, but I actually have to schedule it into my day, just as I do my weekend workouts.

SO, although I may be driven to achieve making writing my retirement goal, I realized I need to find real balance between doing and not doing

In my mind I keep telling myself when I retire I will have more time to just relax and do the things that bring me great joy. 

BUT, the bottom line is I shouldn’t have to wait, especially if I want to stay healthy.

I want to retire on my terms, not my body’s terms.

I need to start working on doing those things now, and in turn lighten my load, allowing room for more growth. Growth that can only benefit my writing, and possibly help me solidify my purpose.

The issue at hand though is relearning how to simply relax may be the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. I’ve become hardwired to do, and when I stop I think about what needs to be done.

Overriding that circuit board will take some time.

So, although my month may not have transpired quite the way I wanted it to, I believe I did have an “epiphany” which will make a major impact on my journey to rediscover myself.

AND, force me to be realistic about my plan for the future, namely my timeline for the business side of this blog and my retirement.

I can push and push and still not achieve if health challenges knock me down.

What better way to plan than to slow down, relax and take it easy?

OR, should I say, be easy on myself. Something I’m not always very good at.

Sometimes the universe nudges you, and other times it kicks you in the butt. This was one of those butt-kicking times and I have to make sure I remember that.

SO, my New Year, New Decade Resolution is to create balance in all that is on my plate. AND, to allow myself time to just be, because then and only then can I truly rediscover myself.

© Mariann E. Danko and Waking the Woman, 2020. All rights reserved.

Goddess Masthead © Pamela Danko-Stout and Waking the Woman, 2020. All rights reserved.

Clip Art – ©123rf 

Hazy Vision – ©123rf  – andreiuc88

Traffic Light – ©123rf  – Dvarg

Traditions

TRADITIONS – the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction

CUSTOMSa usage or practice common to many or to a particular place or class or habitual with an individual OR long-established practice considered as unwritten law

It’s hard not to think about traditions this time of year. From Thanksgiving straight through the New Year the season is brimming over with traditions and customs. Whether they are unique to a family, culture or faith, they’re there, large and small.

Even if you don’t think you have them, you have them.

If there’s something you do annually, like coloring eggs on Good Friday, going to a pumpkin patch every fall, or putting up holiday decorations on Black Friday, you have a tradition.

Some of them may be ones passed down from family members over the years, while others may have been created or adapted from another source.

It doesn’t have to be annually, or even tied to a holiday. It could be something you do monthly, or even daily that has become part of who you are. 

For example, my Son and I had a little ritual every night before bed when he was little. After reading a book, I would tuck him in and say, ”Good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams” and give him an Eskimo kiss. And, although he’s older, when he’s home from college, I still make sure I give him a kiss on his head and say, ”Good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams, Eskimo, Eskimo” Saying Eskimo, Eskimo replaces the Eskimo kisses. 

Funny thing is, my Son looks for this. It has become part of who we are. Hopefully when he has children of his own he will carry this tradition on.

Traditions/customs are the threads that weave the fabric of the family together. No matter how small or simple they may seem, they matter. At their root is the history of who we are.

Understanding them is important, but not always essential because some are just how they make you feel, like my Son and my bedtime ritual.

Religious traditions are some of the most interesting and most certainly need to be understood in order to appreciate them.

Growing up as a Slovak Catholic our family had plenty of traditions tied to faith and heritage. Below are just a few:

• The Blessing of Food Baskets at Easter https://www.thespruceeats.com/easter-food-baskets-blessing-tradition-1136995

• Cirak – Slovak Easter Cheese https://www.thespruceeats.com/slovak-egg-cheese-recipe-for-easter-1137379

• The Stations of the Cross during Lent https://www.britannica.com/topic/Stations-of-the-Cross

• Christmas Eve Meal – including Oplatky, Mushroom Sauerkraut Juice Soup (eaten to bring you good luck in the new year), and Bobalky https://www.catholiccompany.com/content/Oplatki-Christmas-Tradition.cfm

Having a Slovak father and a Pennsylvania German Mother our holidays were packed with traditions. The bulk of which revolved around food.

My fondest memories are of my Mother preparing the traditional foods of the holiday and the smells coming out of the kitchen. To this day certain smells will trigger these images, and make my heart swell.

How my Mother accomplished all she did still astonishes me. I can’t seem to find time to bake cookies at Christmas, yet she made cutout cookies, nutroll, kiffle and bread, in addition to the main course. To say she was amazing is an understatement.

As the years have gone by, with siblings growing up and moving, and my Mom aging and passing in 2015, not all those traditions have survived, but the memories are still there.

Memories I share with my Son in hopes they will not be forgotten.

Some of the traditions my Son and I have are rooted in the ones I grew up with, like coloring eggs on Good Friday, keeping our Christmas tree up till the feast of the Epiphany on January 6th and burning a bayberry candle on Christmas Eve.

But, there are also new traditions I have created with my Son, like a new pair of PJ’s for Christmas Eve, conveniently left by Santa somewhere in the house. 

This tradition continues even with my Son turning twenty this month. Of course Santa is not part of the equation anymore, but let’s hope when my Son has children he’ll be hiding PJ’s for them. Finding the perfect pair of PJ’s has been one of my greatest pleasures every year.

The PJ tradition is a borrowed tradition from a former co-worker. Where she got it, I have know idea, but I loved the idea and once started my Son looked forward to tracking down the package with his special PJ’s every Christmas Eve.

Over the years some of our traditions have evolved. When my Son was younger, New Years Eve was pizza, games and snacks till midnight. When my Mother was alive, she would be part of our NYE tradition, and sometimes a sister or nephew or two would join us.

Now however, we head to a late day movie, then dinner, and get home with time to either watch a movie or play a game before the ball drops. Sometimes family or friends will join us, but generally it’s just us. 

I thought for sure this year my Son would want to do something with friends, but he said New Years Eve is suppose to be the two of us. I was truly touched by this and certainly hope at least through his college years this stays the same.

It brings me great joy to see as my Son has grown, he has become noticeably more in tune to the traditions of our family and certainly looks forward to them.

My Son is an avid history buff, so the traditions and customs that are tied to our family heritage intrigue him, which is a positive sign they will be carried on, in some way shape or form, even if just by word of mouth.

Keeping traditions/customs alive is critical to saving the core of the family. They not only tell the story of who we are, they show respect and appreciation for the past, and remind us that we are part of a larger community.

In addition, the birth of new traditions woven into existing ones will strengthen the core of the family and ensure the traditions will live on for decades to come.

So, with not only a New Year, but also new decade upon us, I look forward to keeping the fires of old traditions alive, and stoking the ambers of new traditions.

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year, and Decade, filled with family strengthening traditions, old and new.

© Mariann E. Danko and Waking the Woman, 2019. All rights reserved.

Goddess Masthead © Pamela Danko-Stout and Waking the Woman, 2019. All rights reserved.

Photos from personal collection

Eskimo Kiss – ©123rf – Eladora

Threads – ©123rf – Andrius Gruzdaitis

An Unlikely Source of Inspiration

Back in May I took a retirement planning class. It was informative and overwhelming at the same time. Fortunately part of the price included two very detailed workbooks, which have come in handy as I unravel all the details taught. 

In addition, they offered two free consultations with the planner who taught the class. It was those consultations that turned out to be even more beneficial than the class.

WHY?

The planner was a wealth of information beyond retirement planning. He became the source of inspiration I needed to believe my dream of turning writing into my retirement plan was and is valid and possible.

To have someone who spends their days with their head in the world of investments and numbers believe that something creative was a tangible prospect for my future blew my mind. On the numbers side of things, he did have me write a business plan and included that in the retirement plan we discussed at my second appointment.

BUT, it was the wealth of resources he passed on beyond that that became the spark I needed to ignite my plan for the future.

Continue reading “An Unlikely Source of Inspiration”

Finding Peace in Every Day

With my annual exodus to the beach to recharge my soul now behind me, I’m working hard at carrying the calm that comes from the sea air and surf with me as I face each day in the real world.

As I told a co-worker “I’m trying hard to hang onto my vacation shine.”

This is something I tell myself I’m going to do every year, but a month or two into the real world post vacation I’m working my way back into the “when is my next day off mind-set.”

I don’t mean the weekend; I mean an actual vacation day, a day with no real schedule, a day to play.

Like a day off is the cure all for the every day stresses we all endure. Granted it helps, but there has to be a way to find peace throughout every day, not just on a vacation day. Especially when they’re so few and far between.

Rumor has it, the key to finding this peace is to pause, breath deep and center your thoughts on something tranquil. This may be true, but the real trick is to prevent getting to this point

As I drove to work one morning since my beach trip, at a point in my travels where I crest a hill and the morning sun shines across the hills of the valley, my thoughts meandered to the calm I felt as I took in the beauty of nature. It was the same calm that happens when I’m free from schedules, deadlines and to do lists.

I may have been driving to work, but my mind and body were calm and free from the typical morning watch the clock en route to work mode.

It was at this point that I realized the key to carrying the calm the beach gives me is to find that calm from nature throughout every day, not just when I’m intentionally taking a break to do so, like a week at the beach or a walk or bike ride on the trail near my house.

I need to consciously pause daily to observe this beauty and soak in the calm.

Observing nature around me when I’m driving is the norm for me, but while in the office it’s a different story. Like most, my office is in a suburban area and I’m stuck in a cubicle. So observing nature takes more of an effort. Not that there aren’t windows in the building, but I have to leave my cubicle to access them which is certainly doable, but standing at the front door staring out may concern my Boss.

It’s a matter of being attentive to the smallest thing, even if just in passing.

A small bird building a nest above the front door, the wind lightly rustling the leaves on the branches of the tree in front of the building or the shadows the sun casts on the sidewalk as it dances through the leaves of the tree.

Allowing my attention to drift from my work to the beauty outside the window is essential to me fulfilling my desire to “hang onto my vacation shine.”

This might seem a bit spacey, but taking just 30 seconds to pause and focus on something other than the task at hand will allow me to clear the clutter of the day from my brain and allow my mind and body to calm itself.

At home I sometimes do this randomly, especially at sunrise and sunset. I’m a real sky watcher and the drama and colors that can explode at those times can stop me in my tracks, and often do.

SO, I do have this built into my make-up, it’s just a matter of consciously taking a moment during the busy work day to look out the window, soak up natures beauty and recharge, even if I’m not feeling stressed.

The idea of being pro-active when it comes to nipping stress in the bud before it strikes is nothing new. There are plenty of books, magazines and blogs with “how to” info, BUT, what works for one, may not work for another, so the trick is finding what calms you, and then figuring out a way to seek this during the flurry of every day.

For me that thing is obviously nature. It has a soothing effect on me. Using it as “therapy” during the workday is something I never thought of before, at least consciously.

Beyond the anti-stress benefits, I also find being in-tune with nature to be very beneficial to my spiritual growth which just so happens to also tie directly into my road of self-rediscovery.

Whether we want to admit it or not, all journeys of self-discovery or rediscovery involve some level of spiritual awakening or reawakening. After all, we are all spiritual beings having a human experience and our spirit is here to experience all the lessons this life has to offer.

So I see this “30 seconds of nature to stay calm epiphany” as a stepping-stone in my sojourn to rediscover myself. A stepping stone that can turn into a leap if I can truly live by my words.

The pressures of every day will be the real barometer of my success. I’ll keep you posted.

© Mariann E. Danko and Waking the Woman, 2019. All rights reserved.

Goddess Masthead © Pamela Danko-Stout and Waking the Woman, 2019. All rights reserved.

Photos from my personal collection

Trust the Universe

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s you can’t force things into being. Sometimes you just have to be, and let things fall into place as they were meant to be.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s you can’t force things into being. Sometimes you just have to be, and let things fall into place as they were meant to be.

You also have to learn to “trust” that everything is as it’s suppose to be and the universe will let you know when it’s time to make a move. As my Mother would say “God’s time is not our time. Be patient.”

I have learned however this is easier said than done. It’s human nature to want to find an answer or resolve a dilemma as quickly as possible. It is not that simple to “just be.”

There have been periods in my life when I truly lived this though. Sort of working at something I wanted to change, or resolve, but allowing things to flow, not forcing anything. And no freaking out when things seemed to stall.

I have also had times when my frustration with my situation had my mind constantly spinning on ways to force change or find a resolve. All this did was bring on more frustration and anguish. And, even polarization. I was so consumed by finding an answer just achieving day-to-day tasks was daunting.

To be honest, just going with the flow can be very challenging, especially when you want change or an answer so bad you can taste it. 

When I look back over the roads I’ve traveled thus far, I realize the times when I did just go with the flow, my life was more pleasant and actually more productive. Being fluid and flexible, even bending when necessary is what brought results.

At this time though, I find myself somewhere in between these two. 

Continue reading “Trust the Universe”