Facing the “IN-BETWEEN” Years

As the month of August unfolded the reality that my Son heads back to college to start his Sophomore year in 25 days hit me hard. I had that same pit in my stomach as I experienced all of last summer as his Freshman year crept closer with each passing day. 

It’s just me and my Son at home, so facing a truly empty nest for the first time in 18 1/2 years was beyond a challenge for me to say the least.

I had my ups and downs over the course of his Freshman year, but by the time he came home for the Summer I felt I had conquered a lot of those feelings.

To feel that sadness in my gut popping up again confirmed that I still have work to do, which I’m quite sure will be the topic of future posts.

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Finding Peace in Every Day

With my annual exodus to the beach to recharge my soul now behind me, I’m working hard at carrying the calm that comes from the sea air and surf with me as I face each day in the real world.

As I told a co-worker “I’m trying hard to hang onto my vacation shine.”

This is something I tell myself I’m going to do every year, but a month or two into the real world post vacation I’m working my way back into the “when is my next day off mind-set.”

I don’t mean the weekend; I mean an actual vacation day, a day with no real schedule, a day to play.

Like a day off is the cure all for the every day stresses we all endure. Granted it helps, but there has to be a way to find peace throughout every day, not just on a vacation day. Especially when they’re so few and far between.

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Trust the Universe

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s you can’t force things into being. Sometimes you just have to be, and let things fall into place as they were meant to be.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s you can’t force things into being. Sometimes you just have to be, and let things fall into place as they were meant to be.

You also have to learn to “trust” that everything is as it’s suppose to be and the universe will let you know when it’s time to make a move. As my Mother would say “God’s time is not our time. Be patient.”

I have learned however this is easier said than done. It’s human nature to want to find an answer or resolve a dilemma as quickly as possible. It is not that simple to “just be.”

There have been periods in my life when I truly lived this though. Sort of working at something I wanted to change, or resolve, but allowing things to flow, not forcing anything. And no freaking out when things seemed to stall.

I have also had times when my frustration with my situation had my mind constantly spinning on ways to force change or find a resolve. All this did was bring on more frustration and anguish. And, even polarization. I was so consumed by finding an answer just achieving day-to-day tasks was daunting.

To be honest, just going with the flow can be very challenging, especially when you want change or an answer so bad you can taste it. 

When I look back over the roads I’ve traveled thus far, I realize the times when I did just go with the flow, my life was more pleasant and actually more productive. Being fluid and flexible, even bending when necessary is what brought results.

At this time though, I find myself somewhere in between these two. 

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Clearing Old Energy

This June marks forty years since my high school graduation. In all honesty had a few of my classmates not decided to arrange a forty year class reunion I probably would not have given it another thought

Let’s face it, what with all the hormonal changes going on in a teenagers body, and the fact that teens are becoming more self-aware, high school has to rank high in the “most challenging times” of a person’s life. Even for the popular, over-achieving set.

I know for me it most certainly was.

As a transfer from a small, private Catholic school the transition to public school in ninth grade was not very easy. I was quite comfortable with my tight-knit small group, but once I got into the large machine that was public school all my insecurities resurfaced.

Being new we all stood out, which is most definitely something you don’t want when dealing with a lack of self-confidence and being self-conscious of everything about yourself.

I felt like a square peck in a round hole. If not for my Catholic school buddies and a few new friends I made, I’m not sure I would have made it through not just ninth grade, but all of high school.

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Confused Self-Image

Self-Image –
one’s conception of oneself or of one’s role
the way you think about yourself and your abilities or appearance

One of the key things I’ve discovered since my Son went off to college is the fact that my self-image is very much tied to being a Mom.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this. Being a parent is at the same time one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs anyone can take on.

As a parent you’re responsible for molding a little human. For me I prayed every day I was making the right decisions in guiding my Son on the right path to become a competent and compassionate human being, capable of standing on his own two feet.

I put my heart and soul into being a Mom, working tirelessly day and night never looking for anything more than a hug or an “I love you.”

My life revolved around my Son’s needs. I took a back seat.

Who I was before having my Son became a distant image in the rear view mirror of my life.

BUT, what happens to me when my position as Mom is downsized because my Son went off to college?

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OUT OF SORTS

So, after my ever-optimistic “Dare to Dream” post last month I headed into March feeling really good about everything. All seemed right in my little world.

I had direction and an end game when it came to my writing. Even if I wasn’t sure how I was going to get there.

I was adjusting to being an empty nester and even looking forward to free weekends that I could start to fill with unfinished projects.

AND

I was in a rhythm at work, busy, but not overloaded. I felt like I was firing on all cylinders.

UNTIL

The first week of March when I started to feel ”out of sorts.” Everything seemed out of whack. My mojo was seriously off and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

OF COURSE THIS MADE ME WONDER…

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DARE TO DREAM

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”– Eleanor Roosevelt

This is one of my favorite quotes. I used it often when discussing college with my Son, and his dream of becoming a video game designer. Having a child just starting out on the path to pursue their ultimate dream is both invigorating and scary

I know first hand the passion it takes to truly hang on and persevere, even when all the odds are against you. You most certainly need to believe your dream is attainable. If not it’s much too easy to give up.

When the spark to become a screenwriter ignited in my mid-thirties, many people thought I was nuts. And to be honest, they were probably right, but it didn’t stop me. I dove head first into learning everything I could about screenwriting, from concept to finished script, to all that goes into actually seeing a script become a finished film.

It truly became my passion. I could see nothing else but the dream of seeing one of my stories come to life on the silver screen. To say I was driven is an understatement.

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Change Ineffective Behavior

It is hard to believe my Son’s first semester of college is now behind me. Those first couple weeks my heart ached. I missed him immensely.

As a single Mom with only one child, when that child heads off to college, your empty-nest becomes salt in the wound of being alone.

I reminisced longingly at all of the highlights of his Senior year. And for that matter all of high school.

With time though I settled into my new norm and even embraced the opportunity to re-discover the me that got lost while raising my Son.

rediscover

Don’t get me wrong, I looked forward to every visit home he made, and was thrilled when we started to have weekly phone conversations. Something I certainly didn’t expect from a teenage boy.

So, I could hardly wait for Winter Break. He would be home for five weeks. And with how wonderful all his other breaks went, I thought for sure him and I were heading into a whole new dynamic between parent and child.

I was however in for a rude awakening, and a reminder that change does not come quickly or easily.

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