Being Authentic

On January 29, 2023 By Mariann E. DankoIn Aging, Change Your Thoughts, Clearing Old Energy, Creativity, Dare to Dream, Emotional Exploration, Just Be You, Memoir, Mom Memoir, Personal Growth, Reflection, Self Discovery, Self-Awareness, Self-Help, Single Mom, Single Parenting, Soul Searching, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Growth, Spirituality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

I came across an article entitled “Living Life in Full Color” which touches on the point that as children we’re “free spirits” not concerned with what others think about us. But, as we age, we’re more concerned with this and slowly conform to what is “acceptable” and by the time we’re adults, “we are barely aware of our lives stuck in gray scale.”

The article further suggested that just like during the Fall, when Mother Nature lets her “Full Color” shine, we too should follow her example and live our lives more boldly before it’s too late. Encouraging us to follow our bliss.

Personally, I don’t feel like my life has ever been stuck in gray scale because of “conforming.”

BUT, I most certainly get what they mean by the concept of being stuck in gray scale. For me it’s more because there have been plenty of times when my life was so busy I felt like I was in robot mode which I surely would consider gray scale. Always on the go, never taking time to just be, let my true colors shine or follow my bliss. Basically living life doing what needs/needed to get done, and ignoring any urge to be playful or creative because in all honesty there is/was no time.

As a creative person, getting stuck in one of those phases most definitely would throw my mojo off and could put me in a bit of a funk. But, I’m always aware of this and when this happens, try hard to do a little something to shake the “gray scale” off.

AND, since unearthing the CHALK Charmer during COVID shutdown, make sure I’m doing something creative every weekend, which refuels my soul for the week. I can go into robot mode, but not feel the “gray scale” because I let my “full color” shine over the weekend and a little of that rainbow lingers throughout the week.

As a matter of fact, because my creative wheels are spinning in the background during the week, plotting my next creation, I may not be living in full color, more like a tint of color or pastel, but it’s still there, even if just for me to know. To say I feel more alive since pursuing this creative outlet is an understatement. I still have days that I feel like I’m just dragging myself through, but I know the weekend will come, and my color will shine once again, which is my saving grace on those type of days.

As I pondered the article and the idea of “living in full color,” my mind meandered to the concept of “living authentically.” Wouldn’t that be the same thing?

OR, is living authentically taking “Living Life in Full Color” to another level?

OR, vise versa?

When I looked up living authentically, one definition was:
“Put simply, authenticity means you’re true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise. You’re honest with yourself and with others, and you take responsibility for your mistakes. Your values, ideals, and actions align.”

Based on this, I would say “Living Life in Full Color” is taking authenticity to the next level. In order to be authentic you need to know who you really are, but “living life in full color” is about exploring a little deeper into what really makes you tick. About stepping out of your safe zone just to see what else might be hiding within.

AND, one of the key factors in doing so means letting go of being concerned with what others may think of you which let’s be honest isn’t that easy. BUT, I have found the older I get, the less I worry about this.

Not that I don’t still have my moments, but in general I try to let “my true full color” shine. To be true to what makes my heart and soul shine. Which in all honesty was kind of the entire point of starting this blog when my Son left for college. To rediscover “myself” when my Son left for college.

After years of single parenting, parts of me definitely started to fade. But as I noted earlier, I was so busy I didn’t have time to give it a second thought. Once the house was empty though, and it was just me and my thoughts, those faded parts began to resurface. And once they did, I started to feel more like “me.” Not that I wasn’t “me” I just wasn’t fully shining.

It wasn’t like there was a flip of the switch and the “full shine” was back though. It definitely took work, exploring in particular the creative side of me that hadn’t been truly tapped into for years. Previously I did enough to get by.

Once I completely tapped into that side, I could feel my “full color” was working it’s way back.

AND, four years later I can honestly say I feel I am doing pretty good at “living life in full color” and loving it. Being true to me, AKA “being authentic”

Do I still have days when I feel a little gray scale? For sure, life can sometimes just plain tap me out. At those times though, I know I need to retreat, regroup and recharge my “colors.”

SO, as I get ready to sign off on my final post for “Waking the Woman” it really does feel like I’ve come full circle.

When I started this blog in 2019, I honestly had no idea where the journey of self re-discovery would take me. I just knew it was a journey I needed to take. Had COVID not hit, and the CHALK Charmer not been unearthed, I may not be where I’m at now, but taking the first step was really the toughest part. Being willing to look inside and be honest with myself about who I am, and what makes me tick was the catalyst that brought me to this point.

BUT, I believe this journey is never fully over though. In order to truly live life authentically in full color, there’s always more layers to peel away and explore as long as you’re willing to. Where I go from here is kind of the beginning of another journey. Especially the closer I get to retirement which will be an entirely different phase from this one, but one I very much long to experience.

So until then, I may have the occasional post, but for now, I am officially signing off from my monthly posts on “Waking the Woman.” Thank you so much to everyone who supported me on this journey, and read not just this blog regularly, but also my “Waking the Walker” blog which preceded this one.

Writing has always been very therapeutic for me, so I won’t completely give it up. I’m just not going to pressure myself to create a new post monthly when my heart and soul want to dedicate my time to my chalk art and where it will lead. I believe there is great prospect here with many avenues to explore.

Thanks again for all your support. It’s been a wonderful journey with you by my side.

Now go let your “full colors” shine too!

Clip Art – © 123rf

#wakingthewoman
#mommemoir
#beingauthentic
#livinginfullcolor
#selfdiscovery
#soulsearch
#truetooneself

EMPTY NEST BLACK HOLE

On February 27, 2022February 27, 2022 By Mariann E. DankoIn Aging, Change Your Thoughts, Clearing Old Energy, College Student, Creativity, Emotional Exploration, Empty Nest, Empty Nester, Family, Memoir, Mom Memoir, Motherhood, Parent/Child Relationship, Parenting, Parenting College Srudent, Personal Growth, Reflection, Self Discovery, Self-Awareness, Self-Help, Single Mom, Single Parenting, Soul Searching, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Growth, Trust the Universe, Uncategorized2 Comments

The reality of the possibility of a very empty nest is quickly sinking in since my Son went back to school for the Spring Semester of his Senior year.

Granted, my Son doesn’t have a job lined up post graduation, or any prospects that I know of, just yet, but considering his major is video game design, I’m well aware that jobs in that field don’t exist in the area we live. So sticking around home post graduation for an extended period of time doesn’t seem like a possibility.

In addition, his girlfriend and he are getting pretty serious and she may be going to law school post graduation, which means he may very well consider employment near wherever she lands.

I’ve been working on adjusting to my Son getting serious about a girl after not really dating through high school and the first three years of college. As a single mom with only one child, to say this takes some getting use to is an understatement. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled for my Son. It’s wonderful to see how happy he is with her. Plus, she’s not only a sweetheart of a girl, she’s also very ambitious and driven, which has been a positive influence on my Son.

BUT, having both the prospect of my Son really moving away from home, and a serious relationship running parallel is a lot for me digest at once, especially because the relationship itself is still very much new, having just gotten serious in August. The two have been friends since Freshman year, never revealing feelings for each other until the start of this school year, so to say it came out of nowhere is an understatement.

I knew the day would come, but I figured I would have a bit more warning.

With that said, we are here now, and with each passing day, I find myself bouncing between I’m good, to I’m feeling lonely and maybe I should get a dog. I honestly never thought I’d feel lonely, especially because between working full time, working on establishing my chalk art business, creating new chalk art, writing this blog, and all that goes into owning a home and daily chores, I have plenty to keep me busy and take my mind off the empty house.

BUT, some days it just feels extremely empty.

The irony is I’m actually quite content being by myself, and am basically more of an introvert than extrovert, and although the first semester of my Son’s Freshman year challenged me, as I expected, I actually began to get comfortable with everything. So why I’m going in and out of a funk now is a bit confusing for me.

I’m sure a lot of this ties to the fact that it’s Winter so I’m not out socializing with neighbors like I do during warmer weather. PLUS, because of the pandemic, my Son was home with me taking classes remotely from March of 2020 to August of 2021 when he started his Senior year. AND, during the Fall semester he and his girlfriend visited at least 3 times, and then he was home on Winter break from Thanksgiving till January 23rd, and during that time his girlfriend spent 3 weeks with us, so I had more company than I’m use to and loved it.

Needless to say I got very comfortable with having my Son home and really enjoyed when his girlfriend was there too. It was nice to have company for dinner every night and even hangout and watch TV with them sometimes.

The bottom line, it gave me purpose, I felt needed. The older my Son gets the less he needs me, and with a girlfriend to discuss problems with, I’m certainly not the first one he contacts any more. Which once again is a good thing, but to have it happen sort of all of a sudden, out of nowhere, is harder to adjust to than anticipated.

Now of course, having a child need you less as they get older is a natural progression, but because of how things have been since COVID my presence in my Son’s life was a bit more prominent for a bit longer, which is most certainly why I’m feeling this transition even more. Had my Son’s college years been “normal” I may not be feeling the emptiness as much. The transition would have been more gradual and I could have worked through these emotions each year leading up to graduation.

BUT, that’s not the case at all. The growth that started was stalled, and put on hold, sort off. Now however, I’m being thrown in the deep end so to speak, and trying keep my head above water.

With Spring and warmer weather not far off, I’m hopeful this will help shake that funky lonely feeling looming in my soul sometimes. Most of the time I’m pretty good, but every once in awhile, the emptiness of the house just really hits me regardless of how busy I keep myself. I know I’ll get past this, but until then I need to honor my emotions for what they are, growing pains.

Just as my Son is spreading his wings and learning to fly solo, I too need to learn to be more than my Son’s Mom. I need to rediscover me. Rediscover the woman I was before becoming a Mom. Which ironically is why I started to write this blog when he went off to college. And although I have had some growth, I’m now realizing I still have a way to go yet.

Discovering the chalk art has been wonderful for my creative growth, which in turn helps my soul growth, but that’s only part of “growth beyond parenting.” There’s certainly more growing than I ever considered when I stepped into this adventure I endearingly called “Waking the Woman”

Change is never an easy thing, but it is necessary for any real growth, and I’m guessing based on the loneliness I’m feeling at times I’ve been avoiding some aspects of me that need to change in order to get over this hurdle. What, I’m not sure of though.

As I have noted in past posts, I’m very good at filling my days with tasks. Some fun, some just every day stuff. Basing my personal fulfillment on how much I’ve accomplished. While this certainly helps me cover a lot of ground in a day, which was critical during my heavy-duty single parenting days, I’m now realizing, this behavior is enabling me, allowing me to avoid dealing with what’s going on inside or even keeping me from allowing myself time to “play.”

Not any more though, although the busyness does help most of the time, it doesn’t seem to be working that well any more, if it did I wouldn’t be writing this post.

SO, is the universe trying to tell me it’s not just about the very empty nest?

Could it also be about getting older and all that goes with aging, especially after the health issues I faced in 2021?

OR, could it be about learning how to lighten my to do list so I have more time to “play?”

OR, could it be I may not want to head into my Senior years alone?

OR, is it all of the above backing me into a corner now that I don’t have the serious distraction of parenting dominating my time?

I’m guessing it’s most definitely all of the above, which makes my journey of rediscovery even more interesting. Not sure I’m ready for that much discovery just yet, but I don’t think I have any say in this journey any more – the universe is in control.

https://www.facebook.com/TheCHALKCharmer/

Moving Out – ©123rf studioworkstock

Busyness – ©123rf prettyvectors

Clip Art Courtesy of 123rf

#wakingthewoman

#mommemoir

#emptynest

#emptynestblackhole

#singleparenting

#singlemom

#selfdiscovery

#selfhelp

Hippie State of Mind

On January 30, 2022 By Mariann E. DankoIn Chalk The Walk, Change Your Thoughts, Clearing Old Energy, Creativity, Emotional Exploration, Finding Peace, Hippie State of Mind, Peace, Love, Harmony, Hope & Kindness, Personal Growth, Positivity, Reflection, Self Discovery, Self-Awareness, Soul Searching, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Growth, Spirituality, the CHALK Charmer, Trust the Universe, Uncategorized1 Comment

Trying to stay positive can be quite the challenge with the pandemic still looming and the media trying to poison our thoughts every day with constant negativity. Yes, you can try to block it all out, but it’s not that simple. With technology what it is, we’re bombarded from all sides with news feed.

AND, that news feed is generally far from inspiring and uplifting.

“*Hippie State of Mind ” – original chalk art by the CHALK Charmer*
*AKA Mariann E. Danko © 2022*

BUT, by chance one day while scrolling through Facebook I came across the “Imagine Peace” page, which as a John Lennon fan instantly intrigued me, so I checked it out. It’s a simple site with retro images and artwork all promoting peace and harmony. I thought how wonderfully inspiring and uplifting, and decided to follow the page.

Not soon after that, the “Hippie State of Mind” page popped into my Facebook feed and upon checking that page out discovered a site similar to “Imagine Peace” with retro images and artwork, but their messages extend even further than peace and harmony. They touch on your overall mental state and well being from a “Hippie State of Mind.”

After discovering these two sites, I knew I was onto something that could truly help me attempt to attain a positive state of mind in a world full of turmoil and stress.

*“Good Vibrations” – original chalk art by the CHALK Charmer*
*AKA Mariann E. Danko © 2022*

Since starting to follow these 2 pages, as is normal with the “Big Brother Watching You” Practices of Facebook, I continue to get more and more pages of similar content popping up. Although I’m not thrilled with Facebook tracking me, I do rather enjoy all the upbeat, positive and inspirational quotes with beautiful and retro images surfacing in my feed.

AND, it is because of this; I am working on retaining a “Hippie State of Mind” in 2022 and beyond. Maybe it’s because I turned 60 last year, and am a child of the 60’s and 70’s, or maybe it’s just because like most everyone else, I’m exhausted by how draining the world around me can be. The idea of living in a shack in the middle of nowhere with no TV, phone or Internet sounds extremely appealing some days.

In reality, I know physically running away is not an option, but that doesn’t mean I can’t mentally and emotionally, which in turn will most certainly help my physical health too.

*“Flower Power” – original chalk art by the CHALK Charmer*
*AKA Mariann E. Danko © 2022*

Peace, Love, Harmony, Hope and Kindness are the traits that are fluid with the “Hippie State of Mind.”

All of which help to keep a happy, upbeat and positive state of mind, so, I’m working on keeping this upbeat and positive energy in the flow of my every day, regardless of what I’m confronted with. Granted, prior to this, in general I feel I’ve always tried to live by this type of mentality, but when confronted with situations that test this energy, I haven’t always stayed true to it and let the negativity rule and bring me down.

BUT now, I’m trying to pause when I feel my energy shifting, and remind myself of the importance on hanging onto my “Hippie State of Mind.”

Does this sound like I’m attempting to look at life through rose-colored glasses? Maybe, but with the state of the world right now I think those rose-colored glasses could be very helpful on those challenging days.

*“Spread Kindness” – original chalk art by the CHALK Charmer*
*AKA Mariann E. Danko © 2022*

PLUS, if you look back at the state of the world that gave birth to the “Hippie State of Mind” to a point we’re not that far off, and if more people tried to adapt this mentality, we might just lay the ground work for a complete energy shift around the world.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

SO, with that said, if you’re up to it, why don’t you join me on this new adventure for 2022 and beyond, and see if we can shift the negative energy surrounding us to uplifting and positive.

I know it won’t be easy, especially for those who are facing great challenges. BUT, if you start out small, like seeking only positive sites to follow like I noted above, the info you see swirling around you will slowly shift to positive, and hopefully override the massive amounts of negativity trying to take hold.

In the immortal words of John Lennon
“Imagine all the people livin’ life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one”

*“Hearts United” – original chalk art by the CHALK Charmer*
*AKA Mariann E. Danko © 2020*

https://www.facebook.com/TheCHALKCharmer/

#wakingthewoman

#hippiestateofmind

#comeongethappy

#positivity

#peaceloveharmonyhope&happiness

#positivemindset

#mommemoir

#thechalkcharmer

MID-WEEK MEANDERING – Finding Purpose When Classified Non-Essential

On April 15, 2020May 13, 2020 By Mariann E. DankoIn Coronavirus, Emotional Exploration, Faith, Just Be You, Memoir, Non-Essential Worker, Personal Growth, Reflection, Self Discovery, Self-Help, Soul Searching, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Growth, Spirituality9 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had major mixed emotions about falling into the category of “non-essential.”

On one hand I’m grateful I can stay at home, and limit my time out of the house to trips for essentials.

BUT, on the other hand I feel guilty and wish I had more of a purpose other than to be at home.

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Medical Catch 22

On September 29, 2019February 9, 2020 By Mariann E. DankoIn Aging, Health Challanges, Medical Catch 22, Memoir, Self-Help, Spiritual Awakening3 Comments

Aging is a process not for the faint of heart.

In our teens and twenties we seem invincible.

During our thirties we might start to see some grays and faint wrinkles, but overall we generally feel pretty good.

Even our forties aren’t that bad. Might start to feel the start of some achy arthritic joints, and see more grays and wrinkles, but overall we’re still feeling pretty peppy.

Then the fifties hit and things really start to change, at least for me they did. Maybe not right away, but by my mid-fifties I could feel myself slowing down.

Part of the slowing down process is certainly tied to Hashimotos, an autoimmune disorder involving chronic inflammation of the thyroid. Over time, the ability of the thyroid gland to produce thyroid hormones often becomes impaired and leads to a gradual decline in function and eventually an underactive thyroid (Hypothyroidism).

Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

I was diagnosed with Hashimotos in 2010 at the age of 49 after a bout with pneumonia that went sepsis and wrecked havoc with my entire body.

Medication was not and still is not an option because my thyroid levels remain within normal range. Even after having half my thyroid removed last fall because of a suspicious nodule.

The nodule was benign Thank God, so the threat of cancer was removed from the equation. Amen to that!

With meds out of the question, I knew I had to find other methods to combat the symptoms of hypothyroidism. The key symptoms being fatigue, weight gain and brain fog.

I discovered doctors were not very helpful when it came to advice in this area and found out quickly I was on my own.

Coincidently around the same time, I caught an interview with Gina Lee Nolin, of Baywatch fame, where she discussed her personal health struggles that went undiagnosed until she found Dr. Alan Christianson, a naturopathic medical doctor for Integrative Health in Scottsdale. His book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Thyroid Disease” became my saving grace.

https://azbigmedia.com/lifestyle/health-fitness/thyroid-disease-gena-lee-nolin/

https://www.facebook.com/thyroidsexy/

After reading Dr. Christianson’s book, I started to play with diet changes and adding supplements. In doing so, I was able to thwart off some of the fatigue, weight gain and some brain fog.

The key thing was going gluten and dairy free. Plus avoiding soy and fluoride, which can interfere with the function of the thyroid. I also added ginkgo biloba and ashwaghanda, but my endocrinologist recommended I stop the ashwaghanda because it can skew thyroid function blood tests.

Over the years I have faired pretty well with this issue, but honestly I think I was too busy raising my Son and helping to care for my aging Mom to completely feel the impact. Or, should I say take the time to notice.

It’s only the past year or two, as I hit my late fifties and my Son is off at college that I’ve truly noticed how much I’m slowing down. My energy levels just aren’t what they used to be. Some of it’s age, but I know part of it is my thyroid.

This however is the least of my concerns.

Continue reading →

Finding Peace in Every Day

On July 28, 2019May 13, 2020 By Mariann E. DankoIn Emotional Exploration, Faith, Finding Peace, Memoir, Reflection, Self Discovery, Self-Help, Soul Searching, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Growth, Spirituality1 Comment

With my annual exodus to the beach to recharge my soul now behind me, I’m working hard at carrying the calm that comes from the sea air and surf with me as I face each day in the real world.

As I told a co-worker “I’m trying hard to hang onto my vacation shine.”

This is something I tell myself I’m going to do every year, but a month or two into the real world post vacation I’m working my way back into the “when is my next day off mind-set.”

I don’t mean the weekend; I mean an actual vacation day, a day with no real schedule, a day to play.

Like a day off is the cure all for the every day stresses we all endure. Granted it helps, but there has to be a way to find peace throughout every day, not just on a vacation day. Especially when they’re so few and far between.

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